When my husband Jeremy and I talk about his PTSD he tries to share with me the reality of living with his PTSD every day.  One of his biggest concern is controlling the anger and rage that is a direct result of the PTSD.

Jeremy has repeatedly told me it is very tiresome and difficult trying to not let the anger or rage get out of control. 

What out of control can entail; physical signs of anger outbursts, angry look on his face, to him beating on his projects in the garage a little louder and with more force than needed.  At the same time the internal side of the PTSD anger invokes a rage in him that is more intense that the situation would usually cause. When the two collide it must be an almost unbearable emotionally charged moment.  He has told me that it would be easy to break things and go out of control.  It is amazing to me that anyone can live with this inter turmoil and not have a police record.  Jeremy's episodes of anger and rage can happen as a result of something that aggravates him or it can happen without provocation.

The anger and pain is visible on his face, in his posture, and in the way his speaks.  When he uses short answers and dose not wanting to communicate with me it makes it difficult for me to do know what to do to help him get through the episode.  He has made it abundantly clear that during these episodes I can not help him.  That it only increases his anger if I try to be funny or use conversations as a distraction.  Yet I want to do is help him.  It goes without saying that if  I could I would take away his PTSD and all the anger and pain associated with that diagnosis. 

Since it is not possible to take away that diagnosis and all that goes with it we have come to accepted it.  The PTSD is a real part of our daily lives and our marriage.  I believe it has been hard for him to accept that he was awarded a 100% VA disability rating.  I was relieved we had several diagnoses that shed light on some of his behaviors and pain.  To me it was a new beginning but for him it was emotionally difficult to admit his disabilities to himself and his family.  

Together we travel a path of uncertainties just as every marriage does......we may have a few more stones to lift out of our path's way. But that is okay as long as my husband continues to share his PTDS we can carry it together down our path.  Everyday may not be filled with excited happiness but every day I know he loves me......when moments of excited happiness occur it is cause for celebration!    

Thank you for joining us on our PTSD journey,

Trina and Jeremy

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